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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Nov 15, 2012 21:07:25 GMT -5
Sam listened without saying a word. He was taking in everything that his brother was telling him and processing it the best that he could. When Dean's sentence trailed off into nothing, Sam could tell by the look on his face that he didn't wish to continue with whatever it was that he had been about to say. Sam wasn't going to push it either. "I'll be it was confusing." He nodded his head. Then he let that moment pass.
Again Sam nodded his head, remembering that the Leviathans had made it out of Purgatory because of Castiel. A forced smile appeared on Sam's face as he spoke. "We did yea but not without a heavy price though." The slight smile finally melted into a frown as the loss of Bobby ran through his mind. Then, just like he had no control over it, the loss of Dean and Castiel as well. Sam shook his head to clear his mind of all the painful moments in the last year or so. Already he had too much to deal with and adding to it with past things weren't going to make things any easier.
"Just a little, yea but it is Purgatory so I doubt normal rules truly apply there." Sam shrugged his shoulders a bit. He honestly didn't know too much about Purgatory. Just the basics which they learned when Samuel was searching Purgatory for Crowley. "I'm sure you ran into more than just the Leviathans there right? Although the Leviathans are the one that had the biggest grudge against you and him." Sam opted out of saying the Angel's name so instead just referred to him as "him". He wanted to say his brother as much pain as possible with that regards.
Sam stretched his legs out a bit and leaned forward as he listened to the story that Dean was telling him. He nodded, understanding. "I just assumed that Jimmy's body was still pretty much human even with him inside. Maybe not I guess." Sam said with a thought. With a tilt of his head, Sam wondered a thought out loud. "Okay so say that he wasn't able to pass through it because it registered him as not human, why couldn't like God save him? Like he did us by sticking us on that plane? I mean I know God is a little inactive lately but surely he wouldn't leave one of his angels to suffer in Purgatory?"
Once again Sam frowned. This time the frown was a lot deeper than before. He hated the expression Dean's face and the pain in his voice. He never liked knowing or seeing his brother in pain but unfortunately, there was not really anything that Sam could do for him because of the loss of Castiel. "I'm sorry, Dean." Sam finally said in a low voice. He was sad over Castiel not making it out of Purgatory too but he knew that without a doubt, it affecting Dean a lot more. "Don't blame yourself. I know that you did everything that you could to get him to safety too."
Sam frowned as Dean almost instantly started shaking his head at his earlier apology for not having searched heave and hell for him. He had expected that reaction though so it wasn't like it was a surprise but still Sam thought Dean would be able to see the sincerity in it too. A part of Sam had wanted nothing more than to tear the world apart until he had found his brother but the other part, the part that was one hundred percent tired of it all, losing the ones that he loved, facing death everyday, etc, had won out. Sam had no one to turn to and so he had turned to the only person that he had left. Himself.
Just as he was about to reply to his statement, Dean turned away and headed right back out the hotel door. Sam sighed and groaned. For a moment, honestly, Sam expected to hear the Impala start up and drive away but then it dawned on him that Dean was retrieving his belongings that Sam had told him were boxed and safe in the truck of his beloved ride. Once Dean returned inside, Sam made it a point to finish what he had started to say before Dean walked out to get his belongings. "I do have things to do that I can't just leave behind but if they were more important, do you honestly think I would have bothered to show up in the first place, Dean? I'm here and that should count for something. Even after everything that I have told you, it should count for something to you." Sam watched as Dean began rummaging through the boxes to see what actually was all in them. Noticing the silent type treatment that he was getting from Dean, Sam just sighed and sat quietly until something gave.
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Nov 17, 2012 2:19:43 GMT -5
Dean shook his head lightly, confusing wasn't even the word for it to be honest. He'd been so lost when popping into that forest. Of course, he wouldn't admit to it, but he'd nearly broken into tears and begged the Leviathan to just kill him because he thought he was still trapped in Purgatory with no way to get home, to get back to Sam and everything he'd cared about so strongly. And then to get home and learn that Sam had given up? It wasn't just a slap in the face or a kick to the jewels, it was closer to the same pain he'd felt in knowing that Cass was gone, that Bobby was gone. That Ellen and Jo and Dad and Mom and everyone else was gone. It was close to the same pain. So very close. He frowned when Sam spoke again about the weight of the price. He knew exactly what the price was. Bobby. The man that had been their father when John wasn't there. Dean had idolized John from his birth all the way up until he was 27 and realized that Bobby had been there so much more than John had ever been. That Bobby was more their father than their real one. Of course, that hadn't stopped Dean from loving his father with every ounce of his heart that could be spared. "Yeah.. Sometimes the price is a little higher than we wanna pay." He said with a frown that caused soft wrinkles around his lips.
"Purgatory was a lot like Heaven and Hell. Normal things didn't really apply there. The only difference between being in Purgatory is that year actually felt like a year. Not like a 4 months I was in hell.." He stated, remembering that it had been closer to 40 years in the pit. A faint shudder rippled through his shoulders as he remembered his time there. Remembered being on the rack, remembered getting off of it, remembered the thrill he'd gotten from torturing people. His nostrils twitched to push the thoughts from his head just as quickly as they'd entered. Hearing his brother's voice again made him sigh lightly before nodding. "Werewolves, Vampires, could'a sworn I'd seen a wraith and a shtriga in there too. Demons go to hell, angels to heaven and humans get split up. Anything else gets tossed into purgatory. Dude, there were some things there that we've never even ran across." He said with raised brows. Hell, he didn't even had names for them. Strangely it made him think of the Jefferson Starships that he'd named after Eve had done some experimenting.
Dean appreciated Sam's lack of using Cass's name, it made talking about him faintly simpler. Thought of course, he knew exactly who they were talking about, so it didn't help that much. "I guess not." He responded with a little shrug to his broad shoulders. At the next bit from his brothers mouth, Dean easily looked up at him with that 'are you kidding' expression. "Seriously, Sammy?" He asked in amazement before continuing. "You really think God gives two shits what happened to Cass? He didn't care that Lucifer was breaking out, didn't give a damn that Zachariah was attempting to force me and Adam into being Michael's vessel. God could have given two shits that we were searching for him when the goddamn apocalypse started, we had to hear it from a frickin' angel in heaven. God gave up. He doesn't care what happens to us and he sure as hell doesn't care what happens to the angels." He raged in a growl. "Besides, why would God stick his neck out for Cass? The angel who helped me and you screw up all of his plans for the world?" A brow arched up slowly before shaking his head.
When Sam spoke again, that apology, Dean had to fight back the urge to snap out. When Sam spoke again, Dean got that far off look again, losing himself in another memory. Benny shook his head lightly at the human male in front of him. "This is crazy, brother."
[/color] [/i]"Dean, there are no promises that it will work for me." [/color] Castiel attempted to reason with Dean again. The three of them had stopped for a break after having climbed nearly 6 miles of hills, only going higher and higher. [/i]"God dammit, Cass." [/color] He muttered and shook his head. [/i]"You are more important than I am. You must get back to Earth, find Sam. Stop Crowley if Sam has not already done so. You cannot allow him to take the world for his own." [/color] [/i]"He seems to know what he's talking about.. Why don't-" [/color] [/i]"I'm not leaving here without you." [/color] He said, completely ignoring the fact that his vampiric friend had spoken. [/i]"Dean.." [/color] Castiel began, a plea in his voice. [/i]"No. All of us make it through or none of us. That was the deal, Cass." [/color] Benny shook his head, but said nothing further. He knew by now that once Dean's mind was set on something it was near impossibly to change it. Castiel looked at his friend and sighed heavily. As soon as he looked like he were going to make another plea, Dean turned on heel and growled out [/i]"Let's go." [/color][/i] He blinked several times to clear his vision of the memory before turning to Sammy, "I should have done MORE!" He growled through gritted teeth, the tears welling quickly in his eyes, faster this time than any other that he'd fought them off. His hands were balled into tight fists and his jaw was locked into place, looking as if it might take a crowbar to break his teeth apart. Actually, he looked very close to taking a swing at something or someone. Instead he wiped quickly at his face and collected his things from the car. He heard Sam talking behind him and had to fight the urge not to throw one of the phones at his brother's head in annoyance. Slowly he opened his mouth, but didn't turn to look at Sam. "Right, nothing was more important than you getting here when I called. Oh, wait. It wasn't when I called because you ditched your phones in an effort to quit." He said with a bit of snark in his voice. It was obviously going to take a lot of time for him to get over that Sam had retired. Instead of saying anything else he began turning on each of the phones that were docked to their chargers. After their initial power up, each one buzzed with message after message after message. His eyes went a little wide as all three phones vibrated and chirped. A sigh escaped him, wanting to throw another comment toward Sam, before simply picking one of the phones up and skimming through the messages. Girl. Booty call. Girl. Blah. Blah. The same with the voicemails that had been left on that one. Each was deleted and the phone was dropped onto the bed to finish charging. The second phone held no texts, only numerous voice mails. Again, girl, booty call, blah, blah, WAIT. His brows furrowed lightly before looking to Sam and then back to his phone while hitting a button to skip the message. The next caused him to shoot Sam a filthy look before skipping the message again. The next he growled out, yanked the phone from his ear and backed up to the first message that Sam needed to hear. After setting it to speaker, he let his brother hear it. "I hope I've still got the right number," a higher pitched male voice said through the speaker, "You guys helped me and my sister a couple years ago with a demon. It's back. Call me.." a number was rattled off before the next message picked up. "Dean, it's Jamie. We met at Oktober fest a couple years ago.. the Shifter. There's something weird going on around here. I didn't know who else to call.. " another number was rattled off before the next message started. "Hey guys, it's Joey, we met a couple years back.. there was a ghost haunting my mom's house? Well, there's some freaky shit going on in town.. I don't know what to do here.." another number was rattled off before Dean just couldn't take it anymore and slammed the phone shut ending the barrage of messages. Emerald eyes landed on his brother while he took in a deep breath to keep himself from shouting. "You mean to tell me that this whole year shit has been going on and you just.. stopped caring!? What about all these people, Sam? You didn't even bother to check things out and I don't know, find another hunter to send? People have been dying all year and you just turned your back on them!?" Of course, his breath taking hadn't stopped him from shouting at the end. He just couldn't believe that Sam could let these people die. "Didn't you give a damn at all?" He asked in a loud voice, almost terrified to check all of the other messages on this phone and the other. [/justify]
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Nov 18, 2012 0:37:23 GMT -5
Sam watched him closely. He knew that neither of them honestly had to say the words out loud for them both to know exactly what the price was that they paid for the life that they grew up in. They had lost everyone that was ever close to them. One by one, their loved ones were taken away from them. Yes, the price that they paid was too damn high. It was only the two of them now. With Bobby and Castiel gone, the brothers only had each other to fall back on. But before Dean returned from Purgatory, all Sam had was himself. Well that was until he met Amelia and they fell for each other. Now that his brother was back though, Sam knew things were going to be difficult. He wasn't looking forward to that.
Sam nodded his head a little. I see. Honestly I would have figured time in Purgatory would have been slower but even two days for a human there probably felt like forever because you'd constantly be fighting for your life from all the monsters there/" At the mention of Hell and the time differences between Purgatory and Hell, Sam noticed the shudder that ran across his brother's shoulders. He could only imagine that Dean had once again recalled his time in Hell with Alistair. Seeing the shudder caused Sam to frown and recall the very moment that Dean had broken down and confessed to him about his time spent in Hell. He hated seeing his brother broken and hurting and knowing that there was nothing that he could do about it. Nothing he could do to make things better.
Dean's next comment sparked interest in Sam as his eyebrows shot up in wonder. "Oh yea? Well I guess that is about right though. I doubt we have seen everything just yet. Sure, we have seen a lot but there's gotta be things out there that we haven't run across yet. What do they look like?" Sam asked in a curious voice. It might be the wrong time to ask but Sam's interest was none the less piqued. "Did you actually go hand to hand with anything that we haven't seen before actually?"
A small sigh then escaped Sam's lips and he shook his head no at Dean even before answering him. "I know God didn't give a crap about any of those situations and I guess the fact that he didn't make it back with you is proof that God has pretty much turned his back on everything." He shook his head and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear rather quickly. "It's just strange is all. I know we averted the Apocalypse and everything but not doing anything at all ever again to make things right? I don't understand. Sorry I brought that up." Sam definitely was sorry that he had broached that topic at all. It had honestly came out different than he had thought it in his head before speaking it though. Right now though, he was just too tired to try and make the comment better. So he just dropped it.
Right before Sam's eyes, Dean seemed to leave the present and drift back to somewhere else. Sam knew he had to be remembering Purgatory because even though he had the far off look on his face, his emotion seemed to shift without Dean realizing it because Sam could read several emotions on his brother's face. Some like aggravation, anger, sadness, despair - they shifted rather quickly but Sam was able to pick out enough to know that the memories weren't happy ones. Sam wasn't going to bother Dean when he got that look. After all he knew better and so he decided to just remain quiet until Dean snapped back to their conversation. It didn't really take long before Dean turned back to look at him. The hurt and anger in Dean's voice was extremely thick as he pretty much growled the words at Sam. Sam actually flinched from the sheer emotion about the words as he spoke them out loud.
The taller Winchester frowned and shook his head at his brother. "You can't blame yourself Dean. There's no doubt that you tried everything that you could to get him out too. You wouldn't have just willingly left him behind. You aren't that type of person." By the time Sam got the words out, Dean had busied himself with gathering his belongings but continued keeping his back towards him. The next words from Dean's mouth aggravated and kinda pissed Sam off all at one time. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other as the stare he was throwing his brother's way could have burned a whole in the back of his head with just the look he was giving him. Sam stayed quiet for a moment or two as he watched Dean plug the various phones into their chargers.
Not being able to keep it in any longer, Sam spoke with a deep, irritated voice. He wasn't trying to hid his emotions either as he spoke. "What else was I supposed to do? You were gone. There was no way of knowing that you'd magically return after a full damn year, Dean! Excuse me for trying to carry on with whatever life I had left to maybe make something out of it." Sam couldn't understand why Dean couldn't understand his reasoning behind what he had done. Instead all he was getting was attitude and anger and resentment from his older brother. It honestly wasn't fair. Sam hadn't given Dean the riot act about having stayed with Lisa and Ben and moving on and making a life with them. So why was he doing it to him? Was it simply because Sam hadn't looked for him? Or was it because Sam decided to have a life, a normal life after all of these years?
It wasn't long before Sam's attention was drawn to the various beeps and buzzes of the cell phones as they began going off. They didn't seem to stop forever as the sounds continued to fill the hotel room. Sam crossed his arms over his chest and eyed Dean as he picked up one of the cell phone and began skimming through the messages and voice mails on it. Seemingly nothing important was found on that cell because after a couple of moments, Dean dropped it on the bed and picked up another one. Sam figured that was one of the phone that Dean gave out to his various one night stands. As his brother placed the phone to his ear and began listening to the messages, his face seemed bored or maybe just calm but it didn't take long before Dean's gaze jumped to Sam and gave him a look. The look wasn't happy but the next look was down right murderous.
Sam groaned inwardly and sighed. He knew he was about to get rimmed because of whatever message was on the phone that he was hearing. After Dean yanked the phone away from his ear, Sam knew he was setting it to speaker so he could listen too. Sam cocked his head to the side and listened to message after message played from the tiny speaker. He recalled a couple of the people that as named but some he didn't/ He frowned and sighed heavily. Sam knew this wasn't good and honestly a part of him felt guilty for not having done something but he just didn't know what to say about it. Either way, having said anything or not about it, Dean was highly pissed as the snap of the cell phone being closed broke the continuous voices from it. Sam braced himself against the rage that he knew Dean was feeling.
If the rage his brother was feeling was just a speculation to Sam, the look on Dean's face told him exactly how he was feeling once his gaze finally made it's way to his face. Sam met his brother's gaze too. Not shying away from it at all. As soon as Dean's mouth opened up, Sam knew it wasn't going to be good. Sure, he had steeled himself against it but not enough apparently because with every word, Sam was growing angry. It was Sam's turn to have his jaw clench down and look like it might break just from the pressure alone. He still had his arms crossed tightly over his chest as he stared at Dean. Finally though, Sam broke the tension in his jaw and swallowed rather hard.
The anger was definitely thick and the tension throughout his entire body was very obvious as his arms came uncrossed and dangled down at his side. He narrowed his eyes as his brother accused him of all those people's deaths. "I did care but I was lost. So don't go blaming all of this one me." Sam took a step closer to his brother and lowered his voice a little. "Listen to me closely when I tell you this." Sam paused briefly before continuing. "I was tired of losing people. The price we paid was enough and I was finished with it. The only person I had left in the entire world was gone so excuse the hell out of me for trying to move on and pick up the shredded pieces of my broken life. I am sorry these people died but it's not my fault. For the first time in years, I did something to help myself. So don't be giving me any crap for taking the only path that I had available that resulted in my being able to live."
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Nov 18, 2012 20:53:02 GMT -5
Dean knew all too well the price that was paid for this life. He'd lost everyone that was ever important to him because of it. It kept him from being close to people, even other hunters. The only person he had left in the world was Sammy and he never wanted anything to ever happen to his baby brother. He'd pulled him from the fire not just once, but four different times. Once as a baby, once with Jessica, once when he was killed in that crazy camp of Azazel's and then again to get his soul back. Of course, he knew that the last one had nearly killed his brother, but it was better to have Sam back and whole than soulless and uncaring. He stuck by that right up until Sammy had nearly died. Dean had thanked God every single day that his brother was alive, even if he knew that God wasn't listening.
When his brother spoke again Dean couldn't help the silent laugh that escaped him while shaking his head."Maybe time there was different. Maybe it was a lot more like hell than I realize, maybe not. Like I said, it felt like a year, but there's differences. In heaven and hell we still had all those normal desires, right?" He asked rhetorically. "Like, we still wanted to eat, drink, listen to music, have sex, blah blah. But Purgatory? The desires gone. I didn't eat the entire time I was there, I didn't need to. I didn't drink anything or need it. I didn't even sleep. Only thing I did there was shower and shave and it's a pain in the ass to shave with that thing." He stated while pointing to his handmade knife/ax. Dean's brows furrowed at the thought. He'd remembered that in hell he'd had the desire for food, granted he didn't actually need it since his body wasn't alive, but he'd wanted it. The same for the multiple times he'd gone on a breif trip to heaven. The difference was, his body was still alive in Purgatory, he should have needed it, but he didn't.
His shoulders shrugged lightly when Sam spoke again. Boy, wasn't his brother just the most inquizative little thing right now. After taking in a slow breath he answered. "Thing is. Most everything there looked human. Like God had done a lot of experimenting before settling on us. You remember the Jefferson Starships?" He asked, fighting a smirk at the name he'd come up with. "The one's Eve was messing with? It's kinda like that. There was so many of them that I honestly didn't know what the hell I was looking at until it came at me." He said with a little shake of his head, pushing the memories back. "A lot of them had weird powers too. Like, you know how demons turn to smoke before heading back to hell or when they just leave their meatsuit. A lot of them.. flew like that." He said with another furrow in his brow. Purgatory was like nothing else he'd ever seen. At the next question from his brother he frowned and nodded lightly before scratching at a scar that was hidden by his shirt. "Yeah.. Quite a few times actually. Worst part is that I don't even know what to call some of them.
Like this one showed up when me and --" he cut off, again nearly having said Benny. Again he hoped that his brother would attribute the lack of a name to meaning Cass. "we were heading to find the gate and this guy just jumped out from no where. He had claws that grew out just like a werewolf, vampire teeth and you remember the arachnae?" He asked, of course talking about the spider-people. "Same kinda eyes. So frickin' weird. And there were so many like that.. that were like.." He paused a moment to gather his thoughts and think of the right way to word it. "Like there were combinations of monsters, kinda like they'd bred while they were there, which is impossible.. I think." He frowned in thought before scratching the hidden scar once more.
"I think God gave up long before we stopped the apocalypse, Sam." He stated with a tiny shake of his head and let that subject fall away. If God had wanted to help then he should have done it sooner, but Dean doubted that God would ever do anything to help again. In his mind, God had given up a long time ago and he was unlikely to do anything to ever help again. At least not when either of the Winchesters would be around to see it. He scratched at his cheek before looking around the room. Hearing his brother speak again about how he couldn't blame himself, Dean couldn't help the snarl that formed behind his lips. "I should have tried harder, Sam. I should have found a way to have brought him with me." He said, obviously beating himself up over it. This was something he was likely to blame himself for for a very long time. He'd lost a lot of things, a lot of people in his time being a hunter, losing Bobby had been a tough drink to swallow but he'd put on his best face and pushed through it because, what choice did he have? He was stuck in Purgatory and there was nothing he could do about his fallen surrogate father there. Losing Cass though? That was like a needle jabbing through his skull everytime the angel's face or name popped into his head. Unfortunately, Dean had a bit of a problem with taking the blame for a lot of things, for carrying weight that wasn't his alone. Sam had seen it a couple years back when Osirus had tried to judge him for it. He'd just been damned lucky Sam had killed the God before Jo could kill him. Dean couldn't help but take on that excess weight. He'd always done it and this time would be no different.
He took in a hard breath as he heard Sam speaking over his shoulder about trying to carry on a normal life. "Make something out of your life? What about being the guy that saves people, that makes sure no one else had to go through the same bullshit that we do every goddamned day?" He asked bitterly while keeping his back up to Sam. Honestly, Dean couldn't give a definite reason as to why he was giving his brother so much shit about having given up. There were a hundred different ones that he could choose from. The fact that Sam hadn't looked for him at all, hadn't tried to get him and Cass out of Purgatory. The fact that Sam had just let Crowley take off with Kevin. The fact that this wasn't the first time Sam had given up hunting for the 'normal life'. Yeah, because that always ended so well, didn't it? Dean knew it, and Sam should too. They were less human than the people they tried to save every day of their lives. Yes, they were more human than the things they killed, but that didn't give them too much credit. The only thing that they had going for them was the fact that they pushed on every single day, that they tried to rid the world of all the evil shit that was here. That was all they had going for them.
Maybe that was what pissed him off so much, was that Sam thought he could have that normal life and Dean didn't think he would be able to.. Ever. He'd tried with Lisa when Sam had been in the Pit. He'd done the best he possibly could and normal just wasn't for him. Not when the hunters life always found a way to catch back up.
He could see that Sam was just as murderous and irate as he was at this point. Obviously for a different reason, but he was beyond caring. Sam had given up.. on all of these people. These people had called for help, had called because they didn't know where else to look and his brother had stopped giving a shit. Sam was obviously just pissed because Dean was not only calling him out on the bullshit, but because Dean wasn't just forgiving him for having had it hard. Tough shit. He wasn't going to play the 'competition card' but he'd had it so much worse this last year. When his brother spoke though Dean really began to lose his cool. His hands clenched into tight fists, one closing around the cell phone still in his hand. Every muscle in his body seemed to tense up while he fought to keep his breathing under control. "Don't go blaming it on you? Who the fuck else should I blame, Sam?" He screamed as he threw the phone in his hand at the wall some three feet to his right. The force and impact were enough to break the phone into more than one piece and he was beyond caring. His nostrils and lips twitched as his brother took a step closer. Dean really had to fight not to take a swing at him.
He took in a slow breath to try and calm his nerves so that nothing else got broken. It was already bad enough that he'd shattered the phone. Dean listened quietly as Sam spoke, slowly piecing things together from the words that left his brother's lips. "What's her name, Sam?" He asked in a murderous tone. So that's what it amounted to. A chick. At least that was what he'd deciphered from the 'I did something to help myself' comment. His jaw locked up once more as soon as the words had gone from his mouth. Then again, it wasn't the first time Sam had thrown it all away over a girl. Hell, he could name more than one right now if he wanted to. The most Dean could hope for was that this one was at least human.
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Nov 19, 2012 20:12:49 GMT -5
Sam listened closely to what Dean was saying and was surprised to learn that most necessary human needs had vanished while he was in Purgatory. Of course it was a different realm and all but for whatever reason, Sam hadn't thought once about the needs to eat, drink or sleep wouldn't be something that Dean needed to bother with. He found it a little odd though. "Not once huh? Did you feel any different with not having slept or anything?" Sam knew how sleep deprivation was here on the real world, how being hungry or thirsty affected a human being, but did those side effects not manifest there just like the needs? "I guess that helped you keep in shape. Well and running for your life the entire time ."
"And when you say shower, I'm assuming you mean in a spring or lake or something." Sam said with a slight nod of his head. Then his brows knotted up as he shook his head this time, eyeing the blade that Dean was pointing to. "Yea, that looks difficult. How many times did you cut yourself with that thing?" His gaze lingered a couple more moments on the handmade blade that Dean had brought back from Purgatory with him. Which caused a little curious grunt from him. "So you were more than able to bring things through the gate with you when leaving Purgatory." This time Sammy was the one motioning towards the handmade knife/ax deal.
Sam nodded his head. "Yes. I do remember the... Starships." He shook his head at having to actually say the word. Honestly he found the name silly. Sam found it silly back then and now still. Sam tilted his head to the side, listening intently to his brother. Sam just couldn't imagine being surrounded by those combination creatures that Eve had cooked up in her attempt to take over instead of Crowley. It had been odd enough fighting them back then, but having them constantly at you? No, Sam knew it wouldn't have been easy. "Could the smoking out just be a Purgatory thing for the creatures there? Unless they were actually Demons, deformed by Purgatory over time or something." He shrugged his shoulders a little bit, knowing that the possibilities were actually endless on how they could have turned out like Eve's Starships.
Hearing Dean cut off in mid sentence and pause for a couple of seconds afterward, Sam still initially thought the word he stopped himself from saying out loud was Cas. Sam had no reason to even suspect that another name was on the tip of his tongue and on the verge of slipping from his lips. It caused him to frown but he didn't push, just gave his brother the time he needed to start speaking again. As Dean described what he had seen, Sam cringed at it. The very thought was creepy. He couldn't imagine having had to fight the things. Sam also paused at the breeding comment. He thought about it for a few silent moments too before actually saying anything. "I doubt that is possible either. After all if they were allowed to breed somehow, Purgatory would be extremely over run with monsters. Which by what you are saying is bad now but can you imagine if the population grew with more and more combo monsters?"
Sam frowned at the mention of God having gave up way before they actually stopped the epic battled between brothers. A part of Sam honestly thought that too. Why else would things have happened the way that they had if God had cared and been paying attention? "You're right." Sam said with a soft sigh and leaving it at that. The frown Sam had on his face got even deeper as Dean continued beating himself up over the fact that Castiel had not been able to go through the gate too. He shook his head listening to the tone of his brother's voice and the anger a self loathing in it. "You tried your best Dean. You can't keep beating yourself up over something you had no control over though. How were you to know that the only escape that you had, He wouldn't be able to go through too? It's not like you could have just turned around and went back into Purgatory to find another way out for him. I don't think it works that way."
Sam doubted that his words would help sooth Dean at all but he wanted to say them anyway. He didn't blame his brother for the "death" of Castiel. It's not like Dean intentionally shoved Cas away and run through the gate, leaving him behind or anything. Right? The pain that he was feeling for his brother's pain sort of shifted back into slow brewing anger as he listened to his brother's hard words towards him. Taking a deep breath, Sam worked hard on controlling the anger in his tone and keeping his voice to a normal level. "We both know that I would never have chosen that life if the events from the past had of went differently. I never wanted to live like that but I ended up doing it because it had been the only path that I could take. Revenge and you were the only reasons I went back to being a Hunter."
Sam paused to catch his breath and work on keeping himself calm. He didn't want to fight his brother or argue the entire time that they were here together but it didn't look like it was going to go any other way. "I know that we both tried the "normal" life and it hadn't worked out but the difference this time was the fact that everyone I cared about was gone. I didn't have you or Bobby or ...." Sam caught himself before he managed to say Castiel in his statement. He shook his head and then continued. "There was no one that I could turn to. No one. Everyone was gone. Everyone I loved had finally been taken away and it was just me." Sam frowned once again.
Sam's eyes lingered on Dean's face a brief moment before looking down at his hands. He watched as Dean made fists, even with the cell phone still in hand. Which looked like it might snap under the strength of his hand. When Dean spoke again. Sam looked up, meeting his eyes. He could see his brother's anger and rage boil up to the very top until his arm lashed out, flinging the cell phone into a wall, smashing it to several bits. Sam hadn't flinched because his own muscles were tensed up to a point that it looked painful. Dean's voice rang out as he spit the words out of his mouth towards his younger brother. Sam narrowed his eyes as he spoke. "Put the blame where it's supposed to be - Crowley. He's the one that started this whole mess in the first place. With his hunt for Purgatory. If Castiel hadn't of joined him and released the souls, the Leviathans would never have managed to find a footing and Dick would never have been able to start this damn ball rolling."
Sam's tone was now pretty much matching his brother's. Their voices were loud in the little room and with the walls being as thin as they were, he as certain that the rooms on either side of theirs would be hearing enough of their conversation but not enough to know what they were. Hunters, that is. Or were. The tension in Sam's jaw flickered as he clamped down harder, as he stopped talking again. His gaze was still very much on Dean, never once having looked away. He watched his brother's movements, his emotions that filtered over his face. Even as he tried to calm himself down. Although Sam was too angry at the moment to try and calm down. He was angry. Really angry actually. Then the moment he had been waiting for finally showed up as Dean asked the girl's name.
Sam shook her head, letting out a groan and then a strained laugh that only lasted a second. "It's not like that or at least it wasn't in the beginning." Finally Sam's muscles un-tensed and he moved from the spot he had been in for quiet some time now. He made sure not to get too close to Dean though in his movements. "Don't think I left you in Purgatory for some female because that's not the case. One, I didn't know you were in Purgatory. I thought you were dead from the explosion. Two, her name is Amelia. I didn't meet her until sometime later. It wasn't like I met her right away and that's why I gave Hunting up because that's not how it went." Sam once again met Dean's gaze and waiting for the explosion of his head with hearing that there was actually a woman in Sam's life.
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Nov 29, 2012 0:43:41 GMT -5
"No, that's the weird part. I didn't feel like I needed sleep. Not like here where after a couple of hours of running around you're ready to crash. There? You can run for weeks and the most you need is a break. I mean, I could sleep if I wanted to there, but I didn't actually need to. Just like my brain was telling me to eat, but I didn't have an appetite. So frickin' weird, dude." He said as he shook his head. Dean imagined that since it was a completely different plane of existence, the rules were a lot different. Sleep deprivation here in the real world meant hallucinations, anger, extreme hunger, easy annoyance and eventually crashing out. At least for him. In Purgatory it was different though. Sleep wasn't a requirement, there was no deprivation, no fatigue, nothing. It was definitely an odd experience and one he hoped to never have to go through again. At the comment of keeping in shape Dean smiled a little an shrugged modestly. Honestly, it had helped him bulk up a little. When Robo-Sam was around (Soulless Sammy), he hadn't required sleep at all and had beefed up a lot in that year. It wasn't a whole lot different for Dean. He'd bulked up a bit. Not too noticable, but if someone were actually looking it could be seen.
Another laugh, this time humorless, escaped him at Sam's next question. "I can't even say shower or bath. It was more like going for a swim fully-dressed. I couldn't strip down or let go of the weapon because we never knew when something was gonna jump out at us, we had to be ready all the time. So that's what I did to try to stay clean was jumped in the water, splashed around for a little while and then climbed back out and wandered around until I was dry." He said with another little shrug before rubbing at his inner thigh at a memory. "And chaffing is something that you can't stop.." His nose wrinkled up in disgust, remembering the pain from that. Running around in soaking wet clothes for an hour? Not the best way to do things. And after only 3 months his boots had been ruined. That had been one of the first things he'd done after popping out of that hole, shopping for new boots and clothes because let's face it. He looked like a frickin' hobo.
When Sam mentioned the blade, Dean looked over at it too before shrugging. "Eh, only a couple small cuts really. It came in pretty handy, though. Without that bad boy I would'a had my ass handed to me more times than I can count." He stated with a frown. His right hand raised to scratch at the back of his neck, using that as a cover to hide his eyes from his brother. He really didn't like lying to Sam, but his brother couldn't know about Benny. Not yet anyway. After clearing his throat he turned the emerald gaze back up to the other male's face. "I guess I was able to bring other things through. Maybe the monsters were right about being able to hitch a ride, I dunno, Sammy." He said gruffly. Hopefully his brother continued to buy it. After all, what reason had Dean given his brother not to trust him?
Dean shook his head lightly at the question from his brother, brows furrowing slightly. "No, Demons aren't meant for Purgatory. I mean, I would imagine that one could get sucked in there like we did, but I don't know. Even the Leviathan's had their own weird kinda smoke thing. I think it's just something for Purgatory. None of the creatures here ever did it, but some of the one's we fought here could do it there. So it's got to just be something to do with the place." He stated with another shake of his head while at the same time shrugging his shoulders up quickly. He shifted lightly from one foot to the other as his brother spoke, then let out a laugh. "You ain't kidding there. It's a damned good thing that they couldn't breed. I doubt I would have made it out if they could." He stated and shook his head lightly.
At least Sammy agreed with him that God didn't care anymore. Why should he? Moreover, why should he care now? He didn't give two shits 10 years ago, why would he care now? No, this was a Godless world, no matter what some people believed. As his brother spoke on Cass though, Dean's jaw clenched tightly, his teeth grinding in the process. He felt tears sting the corners of his eyes from the pressure as he stared at his brother. "We don't know that." He said through his teeth. "We don't know that Cass couldn't come through the gate. We didn't even get to try.. My best..?" He sucked in a breath through his nose, which had wrinkled up in disgust at himself before continuing. "My best wasn't good enough, Sammy. Cas is stuck there because I couldn't get to him before the Leviathan. And we don't even know if he's still alive. So don't tell me I did my best.. My best would have been to find a way back and drag his feathery ass back home." He said, all of that self-loathing and anger seeping into his words. Dean had always been one to carry the weight of everything, maybe it was something he'd picked up from Dad, because Dad had always made Dean's number one priorety to carry Sammy through everything. Maybe that was what the problem was.
"Jesus, Sammy. You're so full of shit." He snapped and shook his head. "Revenge? If all you wanted was revenge you'd have jumped ship as soon as Azazel was dead. If revenge was what kept you going then I must rank pretty low to you. Hell, the girl you were dating for 2 years earned a 3 year road trip to kill a demon but your own brother didn't even get three days!? Some kind of revenge there, Sammy." He growled out darkly. Dean took in a slow breath to try and calm his nerves but knew that it wasn't going to work. Why would it? He was pissed. Sam had abandoned him just when he needed his brother the most. "STOP!" He shouted when Sam said Bobby's name again. "Stop reminding me that he's gone." He hissed out. In his opinion, Sam had had time to grieve the loss, Dean didn't. He shook his head at his brother again, fighting not to tell him once again that he thought he was full of shit. The problem was, Sam didn't know when the best time to stop was. Then again, neither did Dean. "Everyone you cared about was gone.. Seriously Sam? That's gonna be your excuse!? Do you know how many people NEEDED you!? How many hunters are left that could have used your help. And what were you doing? Lounging on a couch, stuffing your face and watching tv?!"
"I do blame Crowley, Sam. He and Cass set this whole fucking ball into motion and what did you do? You did NOTHING!" He shouted, his arms shaking with the rage that was starting to take control. Unfortunately Winchesters had horrible tempers, when they let them loose anyway. "Crowley is number one on my shit list but you're ranking a pretty close fucking second Sam. Crowley set this into motion and ran off with Kevin and you didn't even try to stop him! What the hell were you thinking!? 'Save people. Hunt things.' Did you forget that somewhere?!" He shouted out, his voice becoming a lower tone the longer he went on. He stopped shouting long enough to take in several low breaths, trying to keep himself from breaking something.. like his brothers nose. Hearing the laugh from his brother that confirmed there was a girl, his pupils contracted until there was nothing but tunnel vision left. His blood was boiling. If it weren't for the fact that the anger made him feel like he weighed 1,000 pounds Dean probably would have punched Sam in the mouth. He was still contemplating that, but kept silent long enough to at least listen to his brother.
Dean took in several long deep breaths through his nose and out through his mouth, trying to calm himself while processing everything. He was expecting something like this, especially when it had taken so long to get ahold of his brother. Finally he shook his head and let out a breath through his nose and turned his back on Sam to let himself calm down further. It was easier to do when he wasn't looking at Sam. Without a word he began tossing everything back into the boxes, yanking the phone chargers from the walls and stuffing things into the boxes without even making sure they fit properly. Without a word he carried one box and the hand-fashioned knife out to the car. After staring at the blade for a moment he threw both box and blade into the trunk roughly, figuring it was better if he didn't have something like that in close proximaty to himself when he talked to his brother again. Dean stepped back into the motel room and grabbed the other box before finally turning to look at his brother. "Either get in the car in the next two minutes or find your own ride back to Texas." He stated roughly. Emerald eyes filled with anger, disgust and hurt. Swallowing hard he turned to the door, carrying the other box, though stopped just short of the doorframe. "And don't talk to me." He said over his shoulder, then disappeared out the door to throw the box into the trunk. After slamming the lid shut he dropped into the driver's seat and rested his forehead against the steering wheel, muttering to the car while he waited for Sam.
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Dec 1, 2012 18:59:54 GMT -5
Sam listened intently to what Dean was saying. It was hard for him to believe that someone could go weeks without ever truly needing sleep. But he believed what his brother was saying - it was just incredible. After all Sam knew exactly how sleep deprivation worked on someone's system. The Devil had made certain that Sam wasn't able to sleep or even eat at all for over a week, or was it more? Sam wasn't exactly sure because that time seemed to be more of a blur than anything else to him.
He knew that Dean remembered but this conversation wasn't about Sam, it was about Dean and Purgatory so there was no need to mention his little Devil situation of the past. "Weird doesn't even begin to cover that honestly." Sam said with a slight shrug not knowing which word would better fit it but decided to stick with weird none the less. At the mention of his changed appearance, Dean mostly just shrugged but Sam was able to notice that he sort of appreciated the comment. Not needing to sleep left you with a lot of free time to do other things. Just like when Sam was Soulless, he didn't sleep at all. So he worked out a lot and beefed up. In Dean's situation, he hadn't needed sleep but had the need to run and fight for his life. So yea, he had more of a reason than Sam did to beef up and get some muscle.
Sam cringed a little at the thought of his Soulless self but quickly pushed it out of his head. That was a time he didn't wish to recall anymore. So he focused on his brother and what he was saying. Sam's nose wrinkled up as Dean explained that he'd hop into a body of water fully clothed and tried to get a little more clean than he was before but that meant walking around in soaking wet clothes until they dried. Sam couldn't imagine the pain that inflicted and just how uncomfortable it had been for his brother trying to walk around in wet clothes and keep his eyes peeled for any sort of lingering danger headed at him. Sam's eyes followed his brother's hand as he rubbed at his inner thigh a little bit. Sam cringed at the thought. "Ouch. Not that you needed extra issues huh. That's rough."
Sam nodded, as his gaze still lingered on the hand made blade that Dean brought with him from Purgatory. He had to admit that it was an interesting instrument. "At least you managed to make something to defend yourself with. That's good. Interesting blade too." Sam looked at Dean, just in time to see him avert his eyes away from him. Sam wasn't exactly sure why but decided maybe it was just because he was remembering Purgatory with all the information he was giving to him, it was just more or less bringing it all back to him. Sam sighed softly. "I guess we will truly never know." Sam stated about things being brought through and hitching a ride through the gate. Sam wasn't itching to go to Purgatory and test the theory anyway.
Sam nodded his head a little in agreement with Dean's comment. If the monsters had been able to breed in Purgatory, Sam was certain that Dean would not have made it out. That would just have been way too much power for one mere human to defend himself again. He frowned a little at the thought of Dean dying there. Even though Sam had thought Dean was dead to begin with, still the thought of Dean being killed in a place like that by some sort of hybrid monster, was hard for Sam to swallow. His gaze was brought back to Dean's face as he began getting angry once again about having no tried hard enough to save Castiel. Sam's brows knitted together as he watched and listened to his brother. Sam didn't know what to say and didn't know if anything he said anyway would have made a difference considering Dean was determined to blame himself anyway. So Sam let it go.
"Revenge was exactly what made me get motivated from the start. It wasn't what made me continue going though. After Azazel was dead, sure I felt a little better but even knowing what I had sought after was finished, I knew that I couldn't leave. Leave you or the life that we'd been doing. I didn't like it. I never did. Yes I wanted out but I knew I couldn't have a normal life. So I never tried.I just continued going and killing things right beside you." Sam was getting just as annoyed as Dean looked. He didn't like having to explain himself over and over. Especially when his brother wasn't even trying to understand his point of view. So what was the point of trying to explain it? It wasn't helping anything. It was only making things worse.
Sam nearly jumped out of his skin when Dean shouted the word stop. He knew he was at his boiling point but hadn't expected him to shout just yet. His eyes grew wide as he stared at his brother's face. His shock turned into anger as he now glared at his brother with narrowed eyes. "The people I NEEDED were gone! I think that mattered a little more. It made me realize that I was alone, completely alone and on my own for the first time in years. Maybe another hunter helped them, I don't know. I did the only thing I could do for myself. I moved on. Sam took a deep breath but continued on. "Losing YOU, BOBBY, CAS and all the others pretty much made it clear that I needed to move on before I ended up the exact same way." Sam threw the names at Dean, making sure to intentional hurt him with each other. Sam was angry and right now he just didn't care about his brother's feelings because it was obvious that Dean didn't care about his either.
Seeing the slight shaking in his brother's frame, even though he knew that it was probably a mistake but not caring because he was just as angry as Dean was - Sam took another step closer to his brother, his eyes still narrowed and anger still on his face. "Did I forget it? No I didn't but I didn't want to do it anymore either. As far as I knew, this life was the one that killed off my entire family and the ones that I loved. I didn't want anything else to do with it. I'm sorry if that rubs you the wrong way but I did what I had to do." Sam's tone was low but very full of anger as he spoke to his brother. In fact his tone might have been described as deadly low. "I'm tired of you blaming me and of you not even trying to understand my side of all of this. How hard it was for me too!" His voice raised a little on the end of his sentence.
Dean turned his back on Sa and began chunking things back into the boxes, not caring if they were all messed up and out of whack. Sam just stood there watching. Sam didn't say a word, mostly just crossed his arms over her wide chest and continued watching his brother. Eventually Dean removed the boxes from the bed and escorted them outside to the car once again. Sam made no move to follow him but waited for him to return instead. It wasn't long before Dean walked back into the room, looked directly at Sam and pretty much gave him a warning about being in the car or being left behind. Still Sam didn't move. Sam eyed his brother with a hard expression, his muscles flexing as he continued keeping them crossed over his chest. Sam said nothing until Dean disappeared back out of the door and got inside the car. Once he heard the door close, Sam left the motel room and went to the passenger's side of the car. He leaned down, opened the door and looked at his brother. "If those are my options, I'll find my own ride back to Texas then." With that, Sam grabbed his belongings from the car, closed the Impala's door and walked back to the hotel room.
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Dec 4, 2012 22:16:21 GMT -5
Whether Sam believed it or not, things were really different in Purgatory. Much like heaven and hell those basic desires were gone away. It had been hard for him to believe when he had been there, but there was no denying how it was to be there. Being back home though? Dean's appetite was nearly insatiable, all he wanted was sleep and he couldn't stop showering. He felt dirty as hell, but that was life, right? Well, life after Purgatory. Hearing his brother speak again, Dean chuckled lightly and shook his head. Yeah, weird didn't cover any of it. What else was he supposed to say? Weird was beyond what had happened to him, weird was beyond what he had seen this past year. At the comment on the chaffing he nodded. "Yeah, that was probably one of the worst things I dealt with." He commented with a wrinkle in his nose. Of course, there was always a lot worse to deal with, but the chaffing had sucked ass pretty bad.
He smiled lightly and proudly at the praise on his blade from his brother. "I was amazed to be able to make it, honestly. Can you tell what I made it out of?" He asked his brother while looking at the blade. When he'd gone to Purgatory he'd only had a few things on himself. A handgun that had become useless once he crossed over, A silver dagger, his Zippo and the various small things that were kept in his pockets all the time. The knife however was was made, rather crudely, out of materials from Purgatory, one of them being a bone. He'd done the best he could with what he did have to work with and it had helped a lot. Bone, parts of an old shirt, a thick branch and numerous other things had gone into the composition of that blade and it served him well. Dean didn't respond when his brother commented again on things following through from Purgatory. Honestly, it was better that way. He was tired of trying not to lie.
"Bullshit, Sam. Revenge wasn't all or you would have given up after Azazel was gone. You only stayed because you had no where else to go. If you didn't want this life that bad you would have left, regardless of me being there or not. You left me behind once before." He snapped out violently. Sam had left him before to run off to college, and then he'd left him behind after he'd come back from hell. Sure, he'd been soulless, but he still could have come back for him. Dean was just pissed that Sam had moved on, that his brother had started another new life without him. What got him the most was that Sammy hadn't moved on, but that Sammy hadn't bothered to look for him. That was what got him the most. And of course all his brother had for an excuse was that everyone was gone. What the hell kind of excuse was that?
Not a good enough one for Dean. Of course, he was at his boiling point, Sam was pissing him off severely. His eyes narrowed right back at his brother before his lip curled up. "I KNOW THAT! I know you were alone, Sam, but you could have done something! ANYTHING! You just quit!" He shook his head before hearing Sam's voice again, this time the names were thrown right at him intentionally. "Sam. I am warning you. Say his name one more time and I'll break your fuckin' nose." He snapped while his nostrils twitched. His hands were balled into tight fists while every muscle in his arms rippled. He was close to haulling off and just clocking his brother in the mouth. Every time Bobby or Cas's names were spoken it was like a dagger in his heart.
"This life may have killed a lot of people, Sam, but it's worth it! Without people like us.. Or who we-" he pointed quickly between the two of them "-used to be, people would be dead, every fuckin' day. We are supposed to protect them, we're supposed to make sure that they're safe and you just gave up, threw in the towel because it was too hard alone. Suck it up, Princess because not everything works out perfect." He snapped out before hearing his brother's comment. His expression turned from anger to shock and then right back to fury. "I'm sorry, Sam. Lemme take a break from remeniscing about PURGATORY to hear how hard this year's been for you. Hear how hard it's been for you to sit at home with your girlfriend." His every word dripped sarcasm while staring over at Sam.
Dean sat silently in the Impala, waiting for his brother to come out and jump into the passenger seat and brood for the next 100 miles or so. But then the unexpected happened and Sam slipped out to grab his things and then slammed the door. He was shocked and hurt and even more enraged now than he had been before. And then a brief flicker of a recent memory slipped into his thoughts and he sucked in hard breath. He had to go in there and talk to Sam.. again. The elder brother sat in the Impala for at least 30 minutes before climbing out of the car and making his way back to the room. Without knocking or bothering to say anything about it, he stepped back into the room. His eyes darted around briefly before landing on his brother, sitting on the edge of the bed with his phone in his hand. Dean had to bite back the comment about Sam's girlfriend so as not to piss his brother off more. "I need to talk to you." He stated before closing the door and crossing his arms over his chest to lean back against it.
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Dec 7, 2012 0:14:03 GMT -5
Sam shook his head with a soft chuckle. "I don't want to even have to experience that." Sam crinkled his nose up too at the thought. Honestly he couldn't imagine having to roam around some unfamiliar place with soaking wet clothes and trying to defend yourself all at the same time. The chaffing and soreness would have been extremely annoying and painful. He felt sorry for Dean because he had to live through that for a year. Although the not having to eat must have blown Dean's mind too. Considering the guy loves to eat and have pie. With that thought, Sam couldn't help but to laugh a little.
At Dean's prompting for an answer regarding the homemade blade, Sam looked a little closer. Honestly, the only things he could see that it contained that was recognizable was a bone of some sort, fabric and possibly some earth. Sam tilted his head, looking at his brother. "Well a bone obviously. The other things are a little harder to distinguish but I say some sort of fabric and some tree branches or something along those lines?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. Really though, the blade was a great show of Dean's skills of putting things together to make something that he needed. Just like the walk-a-man that he made into a EMF detector a few years ago. "You always were good at piecing things together to make something else useful." Sam said, complimenting his older brother.
Sam shook his head, holding a hand up to stop his brother's comments. "You are wrong about that, Dean. I did have somewhere I could go. I could have went back to college and finished and went on to do what I had planned on doing in the first place. So don't assume to know what I can or can't go. Or where I can or can't go." Sam shook his head, brushing some of the stray hair out of his eyes and tucking it behind him ear. The anger in the room was really think and it was getting thicker as their conversation progressed. Sam eventually took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down but it wasn't really working all that well. Looking at Dean - it didn't look like it was working for him either.
As Dean's body literally started to vibrate with anger, Sam stood there more or less staring his brother down. Sam wasn't backing down but he wasn't stupid either. He had tangoed with his brother on numerous occasions and their fights usually ended up with one of them walking away from the other. Usually Sam being the one to walk away. He didn't want to physically fight with his brother but he didn't want to be accused and raked from here to kingdom come for the choices that he had made to survive and carry on. Even though he was still staring at his brother with a killer look, Sam spoke - his voice a little lower than before but still anger filled. "Look, Dean - I don't want to fight you but I also am not going to stand here why you berate me for my choices either. So it's best that his conversation is dropped." His tone was serious and solid as he spoke to his brother.
"How about you suck it up too Dean. Stop whining about what I didn't do for YOU and get over it. It's done and finished. Stop bitching because I moved on and continued on with some form of a half assed normal life. Deal with it and move on." Sam shook his head with a groan. He was getting seriously tired of this conversation and the blame falling directly on his shoulders. Sam was sorry that Dean wasn't able to handle the fact that his younger brother moved on and had something normal and real the year he was gone. How was Sam supposed to know that Dean was actually alive during the whole time? It was ridiculous. Once again Sam throw a look at Dean that would have killed him if looks really could kill but he didn't respond to the statement but instead balled his own fists up and quickly shoved them into his pocket just in case.
After leaving Dean sitting in the Impala, Sam had turned his back on his brother and headed straight back into the motel room. Once inside, he stood right inside the door for several long minutes, letting his heart slow down it's thunderous beating in his chest. Honestly it felt like either his heart was going to beat out of his chest or it was just going to break into. Sam hated fighting with Dean and it nearly killed him every time but he wasn't some young kid anymore and Dean had to realize that Sam was a grown man with needs and wants of his own. He had to realize that they might actually want totally different things for their life. Sam eventually plopped down onto the bed and pulled his cell phone out. He moved his finger around the screen until he found Amelia's name and began texting her.
He wasn't sure what he was going to say so he started out slowly and just decided to check on how she was doing. During the process of answering another text from her, Sam's attention was drawn to the motel room doorway where his brother was now standing. Dean didn't knock or announce himself. Sam quickly told Amelia in a text that he'd text her again later before slipping his phone out of sight again. Sam got to his feet, cleared his throat and stared at his older brother as he shut the door and leaned against it. "What do you need to talk to me about, Dean? Sam couldn't help but wonder if Dean's idea of "talking" would be more yelling and accusing Sam. Of course he didn't bother asking that question out loud.
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Dec 7, 2012 0:51:30 GMT -5
Thankfully Dean had the common sense after having sat in the Impala for some time to just let everything drop. For now. That didn't mean that it wouldn't all be revisited the second another fight started between them. Sadly, as all Wincester's went, sometimes it was just too damned hard for them to let go of things. They held on and held grudges for far too long. If not for that simple fact they would have been done with hunting before they'd even begun. But John had held the worst grudge of all and had brought his boys up into the life and into the shit that surrounded them. He'd thought about what his life could have been like numerous times if it hadn't been for their father taking them out like he had, but in the end he couldn't think of what he would have done with his life. Been a half-assed mechanic at Dad's shop? The Djinn he'd encountered so many years before had taught him that that wasn't possible. His life was nothing if not for hunting and he couldn't ask for his life to have been any other way.
So in that, why did Sam? For the moment, he wouldn't question it. Not now anyway. Better to just suck it up and attempt to get along with his brother for a while, even if every time that he caught sight of Sam he wanted to clock him. So it was best left alone, best if he just shut up and went along with it. Of course, he was glad that his brother had so easily figured out what he'd made the knife out of, not having left out much. Sam always was too smart. And the compliment from his brother had made the elder Winchester smirk proudly, but their fight had gotten in the way of the bonding that they needed. It'd been a whole year since they'd seen one another and this wasn't how their reunion should be. Not all screaming and fighting and bloodshed. No, there hadn't been any of the last, but if they kept yelling there would be.
His back rested against the closed door, blocking his brother's escape with his arms crossed snugly over his chest. That was an attempt to keep himself from taking a swing.. as well as the fact that he kept himself completely across the room. Emerald gaze followed the motion of his brother dropping his cell into his pocket and out of Dean's view, causing him to bite down on the inside of his lip until he tasted blood to keep the harsh comment back. "Before I got a hold of you," he started and then paused. How the hell was he supposed to ask his brother this? How was he supposed to make this kind of request without looking like a complete dick? After several minutes he sucked in a sharp breath and continued "I met with Death.." He finished, eyes on his brother's face to gauge his reaction.
Keeping his arms locked across his chest Dean let his gaze dance around the room while recounting the meeting, of course he left out the details that about getting shit-faced drunk and nearly killing himself by electrocution for his 'brilliant' plan. "There might be a way to save Cas.." He said before looking at the wall clock above the TV. Three hours left to make the deal with Death or risk never seeing the man again. He still wasn't completely sure about how to say it to his brother, hell, the idea alone terrified him. No matter how upset or angry he was with his brother.. how could he ask that without being utterly frozen with fear with the idea of what could happen to his brother? Swallowing hard, Dean turned his gaze back to his brother and waited.
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Dec 8, 2012 1:55:15 GMT -5
The fact that Dean was standing in front of the door, with his arms tight against his chest and putting enough space between them that it looked like one of them had a disease that they were afraid that the other one would catch - wasn't lost on Sam at all. Honestly he figured it was a good idea for them to not get into arms length of each other. Considering they were both still pretty mad with one another. Sam was tired of arguing but he prepped himself just in case Dean wanted to shout or fight. Eventually his older brother opened his mouth and spoke, Sam stayed quiet, looking at him.
Dean stated and then paused. There was just enough silence that Sam was about to speak up and ask him to continue. Luckily Dean started up once again, saving Sam from having to do so. Sam nodded his head, letting his brother know that he was paying attention to him even though he hadn't spoken yet. The words slipped out of Dean's mouth but Sam wasn't exactly sure he had heard him right. "You spoke with Death?" Yes it was a question but it was more for Sam's benefit just to make certain that he had heard Dean correctly. Sam reached up and scratched his head with raised eyebrows. "Okay, Dean - Why exactly did you have a conversation with Death?" Sam asked flat out, no sugar coating on it.
Upon hearing his brother's words, Sam's face lit up, his eyebrows lifting up even higher than before. Sam got to his feet, racking a hand through his long shiny hair and inch a few steps closer to Dean. "Seriously? Sam knew that Dean was serious. After all how often was Death a jokster about anything? He wasn't the type to go around "pulling someone's leg" just for the sheet fun of it. Death was an extremely serious dude. As Sam looked over his brother's face, he saw something there that was more the verge of panic or maybe even terror? Sam's eyebrows crinkled down in a very serious face, one that Dean had probably seen a million times before when he was about to call his older brother out on something that he wasn't telling him up front. "Okay, Spill it, Dean. What's going on?"
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Dec 19, 2012 12:41:46 GMT -5
It was definitely a good thing that the two of them kept their distance, it was all too likely that one or the other were going to take a swing with the tension still so heavy in the air. Honestly, Dean was purposely keeping himself distanced from Sam because he knew that if his brother said just the wrong thing.. or the right thing how ever you wanted to look at it, then he was all too liable to swing and not stop. He was still absolutely furious with Sam and it was going to take a lot from him to get over that. He nodded at the question from his brother. "I met with Death." He confirmed with another nod of his head. Those emerald eyes followed his brothers movements as the shock started to wear away, as he stood and paced a little closer to Dean.
That urge to hit his brother had ebbed away slightly in their talk of Cas. God, did he miss that Angel. Castiel was one of the only friends he'd ever really had, and knowing that there might be a way to save him from some horrible fate in Purgatory? He had been all too willing to jump all over it when he thought that he could be the one to get in there.. knowing that it was Sammy that had to go sort of put a damper on things though. He watched as Sam finally realized that there was something more going on than what Dean had said. His jaw clenched for a moment before sighing and dropping his arms to his sides, relaxed now. His own brows crinkled in a serious way as he took one step closer to Sam. "Death said he'd go in there and get Cas.. but someone had to come along for the ride." He stated, watching his brother for several long moments. After licking at his lips and sighing again he scratched at the back of his head. "It has to be you. Death won't do it any other way. Trust me.. I tried." He said that last bit a little quieter, annoyance sending a quick shudder through his body.
Slowly he looked back up at his brother, his eyes searching Sam's face. "Purgatory isn't a joke, Sam. You have no idea the kinds of things that are there and the things that could happen to you. If you don't want to do this then by all means you don't have to. I'll figure something else out." He said seriously, obviously very worried about his brother and the sheer idea that something could happen to him. Purgatory wasn't a place for humans, that had been made obvious when Dean was there. Even with Death at Sam's side, there was still danger, there was still a chance that Sam might not make it back. Sure, he missed Cas like hell, but to know that he willingly sent his brother to his death? To miss Sam was a far worse pain than ever missing Cas.
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Dec 20, 2012 18:14:56 GMT -5
Was Sam afraid that a fight would break out between him and his brother if they got too close to one another with the tension between them right now? Sure but he wasn't a chicken shit about throwing down with him. After all Sam and Dean had been in a lot of fights against each other and now would be no different. Sam could hold his own and Dean knew that perfectly well. Dean was the one that taught him how to fight in the first place. Except it was Sam himself who honed his skills and kept his body in killer shape now. Sam packed one hell of a punch. But Sam didn't want to fight right now. Especially not with the news that Dean just shared with him.
Again Dean repeated his earlier phrase and again Sam looked at him like he was nuts. The older brother kept a trained eye on the younger one maybe expecting Sam to pounce and start swinging at any moment but Sam wasn't going to because he was preoccupied by what was coming out of Dean's mouth. To Sam's surprise, Dean's face became a little less tense and he took a small step closer to Sam. Who with the movement from his brother, stuffed his hand deep into his jeans pocket. Right before Sam could say anything about Death agreeing to hop into Purgatory and retrieve the fallen angel, Dean tacked on the kicker of the agreement. Not just a kicker but one hell of a damned big bomb which caused Sam's face to lose most of it's color. "Me? Why me?"
Not that Sam wouldn't do just about anything to get their friend back but him going to Purgatory as a +1 guest of Death himself? That was a lot for him to wrap his head around. "Wouldn't it be logical to have you go? After all you were there with Cas and would know how to find him?" Sam ran his fingers through his long silky hair, shaking his head a moment or two before looking back to his brother as he spoke. "I never said it was a joke, Dean." He took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "And Death is dead set on it being me that rides along with him? I don't know Dean. It seems like a trick or something."
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Post by Dean M. Winchester on Dec 20, 2012 19:18:14 GMT -5
Dean had been the one to teach Sam to fight, but if Dad and Bobby hadn't taught him then he never would have been able to teach his little brother. It was a good thing that he had taught Sammy how to fight, because it had served the both of them well over the years.. both against foes and against each other. Sam usually had the upper hand though since he was larger than Dean, not only in height but in muscle tone as well. Then again, after his year in Purgatory Dean had bulked up a bit as well. He watched the shock cross over Sam's face as he stated that bombshell. He didn't want Sam to have to go, but if it were the only way that Death would save Cas? What choice did he have but to at least ask. He shook his head with a humorless chuckle at Sam's question. "Something about teaching me a lesson about the natural order of things." He said with a roll of his eyes. Natural order. No, this was about teaching Dean that he couldn't call on Death for a favor. Of course, he knew that Death was only getting something for doing something, he just wished that he was the one able to go.
Hearing Sam speak again made him sigh softly and shake his head. "I tried to make that point too. I've been there before, I know where to go, I know where to look for Cas, but Death said it had to be you." He said, sounding torn. He didn't want Sam to go because of how dangerous it could be, but he wanted Cas back. He was severely torn between what he wanted and what was best. He shook his head again, irritated abut the conversation with Death. He wished he could have gone because he would have jumped all over the chance without hesitation. He had been ready to, but then Death wouldn't hear. "I know you didn't, I'm just saying." He stated and watched his brother closely. Dean took several steps closer to his brother, closing that gap between them to only a couple of feet. "Sam, you don't have to go if you don't want to..Death won't do it unless it's you, but I.. I'm not going to force you to go." He stated while looking up at his brother.
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Post by Samuel T. Winchester on Dec 20, 2012 22:06:12 GMT -5
The confusion on Sam's face deepened as Dean spoke again, answering one of many questions that his younger brother was throwing at him. "It's about teaching you a lesson? By taking me along to Purgatory?: It didn't make sense to Sam really. "Wouldn't it be better teaching you a lesson by making you go back to Purgatory with him? Especially after you fighting so hard to get back to the normal world?" Sam's eyebrow shot up in question.
The more Dean spoke and they both kept saying it - didn't make Sam feel any better about the situation. Was Sam scared of going? Hell yes he was. Who in their right mind wouldn't be scared to go to Purgatory? He shook his head a little, pacing away from his brother. Sam wanted Cas back just as much as Dean did. He liked the angel too. "Dean, I want Cas back as much as you do." Once Sam stopped pacing, Dean closed the space between them in graceful swift steps that only took seconds. Sam looked up into his brother's face. A soft sigh escaped Sam's lips and he shook his head. "I need to know what Death's plan is with taking me. Knowing it had to be me it seems like there is something other reason for that than just teaching you some sort of lesson."
Sam locked gazes with his brother and stood there silently for a few moments. "Do you think that we could talk to Death again? Maybe get some better answers or reasoning behind it?" Sam studied his brother's expression and knew that it was hurting him with thinking that the only hope lay in Sam's willingness to participate. Sam knew what Cas meant to Dean and he wanted to bring Cas back too, if only just for his brother's sake. He sighed again, rubbing at his face. "I'll do what I have to to bring Cas back." Sam said in a slightly defeated tone but it was serious none the less.
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